


The Metal Squad

by CinnamonStyx



Category: DCU, Suicide Squad (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Crack Crossover, Gen, Humor, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonStyx/pseuds/CinnamonStyx
Summary: Amanda Waller deals with the aftermath of attempting to use the Metal Men in one of her Suicide Squad missions. Let's just say things didn't go well.





	The Metal Squad

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this story over the course of a few hours last night, not sure if it's any good but here you go. I came up with the concept completely randomly, thought it sounded like a funny idea and decided to write something about it. I've only really read the first volume of the original '80s Suicide Squad and I mostly know about the Metal Men from their DC Nation shorts and that one episode of Batman Brave and the Bold. But hopefully I did a good job on characterization anyway.

Amanda Waller couldn't remember the last time she was this livid with how one of the Suicide Squad's missions had turned out. Usually she'd be able to pin the blame on Captain Boomerang and often that blame would be well deserved. But she wasn't dealing with the usual suspects this time. This time, she was dealing with the Metal Men. She stared down the six brightly coloured robots seated in her briefing room and tried to formulate a reply.

"So… I want you to repeat back to me what the plan was."

"It was simple. We covertly sneak into Bialya, disrupt Queen Bee and Professor Ivo's joint development, destroy the army of Amazo androids they were building, and sneak out just as covertly." Gold proudly listed off the steps.

Waller's eyes narrowed with rage. "And tell me _what actually_ happened."

"What Gold said. Y'know, more or less." Mercury claimed. He crossed his arms as if to prove a point.

"Listen here, do you have any idea what you did! We're working damage control but it'll be a miracle if Bialya doesn't decide to declare war with us. Not that our foreign relations were good to begin with!At least when the JLI goes there they-" Amanda Waller stopped herself when the creator of the Metal Men, Dr. Will Magnus, patted her on the back.

"Don't worry, Ms. Waller's just exaggerating. You did a fine job." Magnus told them. "I'm proud of you all."

"Gee, thanks doc." Platinum replied. "I sure had a great time."

"Yeah, you tell 'em, Tina." Iron agreed.

"Aww but guys, Copper got all smashed up." Lead sighed.

"Don't worry about that, Lead. I'm already working on repairing her Responsometer." replied Magnus.

"See Ms. Waller, we didn't do so bad." Tin beamed up at Waller.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Waller glared at the Metal Men. "You failed to destroy the Amazo android army, you were unable to capture Professor Ivo like I told you to, and the collateral damage you did to Bialya might be enough to make Queen Bee attack our country."

The silence between the Metal Men and Waller was somehow deafening. Lead didn't quite grasp what had been said and decided to spoke up. "So… Did we do a good job."

Waller chose not to verbally respond and instead focused her glare down on Lead. He didn't seem to get what this meant and just smiled back.

"I don't think she likes us very much." Gold said.

"Well it can't be my fault." remarked Mercury. " _I_ did what I was told."

"Yeah, I don't get what we did wrong." Iron added.

"It's probably my fault…" Tin sighed. "Usually is…"

"Maybe Ms. Waller's just wrong?" Platinum suggested. "Things like this usually work out, don't they?"

"Please don't talk about me like I'm not in the room." Waller requested. "I want you all to listen up. Especially the big one."

"Hear that Iron, you need to listen." Lead said.

"She means you, lunkhead." Mercury whispered to him.

"Excuse me, I'm still speaking." Waller said. "Now, you are all terminated from any future missions with Task Force X effective immediately."

Waller paused to let the information reach the Metal Men properly, especially Lead.

"So we're all fired?" Platinum spoke up."

"Yes."

"So we should leave?" asked Tin.

" _Yes._ "

Dr. Magnus chuckled a little and put an arm on Waller's shoulder again. "Well everybody, this was a fun experiment. But it's back up north for us! Wait in the car, Metal Men. I'll be with you in a moment."

The Metal Men all stood up and filed out of Belle Reve's briefing room.

"Unbelievable, one small mistake and she fires us…" Mercury grumbled as they all left.

"At least we got the job done." Gold said.

"I just hope Copper gets better soon." Tin remarked.

Once all the Metal Men had left Waller sighed. "Now I gotta clean up this mess."

"They sure are quite the characters, huh?" Dr. Magnus chuckled.

"How is working with supervillains easier?" Waller glanced over at Magnus. "Better question, how do you put up with them?"

"They grow on you after a while. See you around, Waller." Magnus turned around and left the briefing room to find his Metal Men.

Once she was sure Magnus was gone, Waller sighed again. "I need to make a note… Don't associate with the Metal Men _ever again_."

**The End**


End file.
